Where are you

It's a year since you left us, after two years of pain and grief

You quickly lost your fight to survive, this world you had to leave.

I've no idea where you are now or where your soul lives on

Your ashes we did scatter, your memory never gone

I saw you the other night, not a clear image, your face was hazy

In a way that I don't remember you, this dream was eerie, crazy

So many things I miss about you, not being there when I call

Your words, your love, your laugh, your care, there to listen to me, pain and all.

You so much wanted to beat it, to carry on life without any fear

Of loosing control of your body but you knew when the end was near

I'd hate to think how much you suffered, all the pain, agony and doubt

Just to see it through a little longer, what was it all for, about ?

So many things you had to except, all the doors that had to stay closed

Not letting you into your beautiful life. That's Cancer I suppose.

You flew so far to say goodbye, the last I'd see you, in health

Nothing will change my last memory of you, not for tea in China or wealth

I wish those memories were different now, I will never let go

I wish I held you longer, stronger. I wish you never had to go

So many things that I should of said, not by phone but face to face

I wish I knew where you are so then these words don't end up talking to space

I never told you that I loved you, I mean truly, not an end of a call

To look into your eyes and hold you, again into your love I would fall

Mum, I really miss you , I yearn to see you once more

But I know that will never happen, so what's all my sadness for ?

Oh yeh, your wish came true last month, a grandchild born in Oz

A part of you lives on in that country, Martin called her Madeline Roz

But sadly the family you left is falling, you've shown me now that you were the cement

As three bricks of our wall is crumbling quickly, though none of it intentionally meant

I wonder where you are now, what was there for you after all that pain

are you happy in this place, peace and solitude did you gain

You said you'd be Jay's Guardian Angel, are you watching him when I'm asleep

Can you see his beautiful face, his smile brighter than any light ?

He will never remember you being here, those memories will  disappear

The morning hugs, stories and songs, the words of love and all your tears

Oh Mum, I wish he could of known you, to experienced your love and your care

But in his diary I will tell him, all my memories with him I will share

I hope one day we shall re-unite

I hope its a long time to go

But my memories and me loving you

I will promise never to let go

I have about 50 song/lyrics that i wrote thru the years but this one was the deepest